Social Distancing 101

Disclaimer: I'm working remote 100% now and I've been sticking to the social distancing guidelines, so I have a lot of time to write and post stuff.  I'm not apologizing for what you're about to read, or anything in my life up to this point for that matter, just merely warning you that it is lengthy.  I regret nothing, I fear nothing, I apologize to no one. 💀

Everyone seems to be in one of two camps for this virus outbreak: complete devastation and overwhelming anxiety OR not taking it seriously at all and going about their daily business, laughing in the faces of all who wish to thrive post... Whatever this is.  Congratulations if you're perfectly cutout for this kind of scenario and don't fall into either category.  Great job, you people who take this seriously AND have your shit together.  I don't know who hurt you to make you this way, so comfortable with and unfazed by global tragedy and panic, but again, NICE. 👌 Way to go (I'm mostly kidding about the people with their shit together - I wish I wasn't anxious all the time.  Tell me your ways).  Personally I fell into the former category at the onset of all this, but have since found a pretty good stride now that I'm nearly a week in.  Here's what I've done to calm my anxiety while remaining productive and semi in touch with humanity / reality:

- Yoga: as soon as I wake up and or shortly before I go to bed.  It's pretty difficult to passively or obsessively think about the world collapsing on itself when you're concentrating on not breaking your own legs as you stretch like so much sweaty human taffy.  Plus it feels good and has health benefits or some shit.

- Fart jokes (and other comedy media): finding them, laughing at them, and sending them to other people also practicing social distancing farther away from me than shouting distance.  Never underestimate the power of a good laugh, even if it results from what should reasonably only appeal to stupid, dumb shit, poopy nerd boys. The world is chaotic, you're socially distancing yourself and virtually deprived of varied social human interaction, so give yourself the freedom to walk on the wild side and laugh at complete hot, stinky garbage.  

- Avoid the dark stuff: I'm not talking about black tar heroin (though it's best to avoid that too for a few reasons... You'd have to obtain it from a *person* and, HELLO, *social distancing*, or you might overdose... 🤷🏼‍♀️).  I'm talking about the negative stuff, the dark stuff, even PEOPLE who make this a more difficult situation to traverse than it already is.  I've had to remind myself that just as I'm checking social media and news outlets compulsively for information and entertainment in absence of other activities, so are other people who have input I don't want, don't agree with and don't need to be enraged by at present.  So this serves as a reminder that you can snooze people on Facebook, you can unfollow, you can block, whatever you need to do to cultivate a better digital experience for yourself in this weird time where social media usage has likely skyrocketed.  Also as much as I love gratuitous violence and dark, abstract thoughts and images in movies and books and on TV, I've found my limit for it when my mind ocean is already teeming with anxiety sharks. 😄 Just slow down when you feel like you've had enough for one day.  That sweet, sweet darkness will always be there tomorrow. 

- Use your best stuff: it sounds so dumb, and it isn't the meaningful "make some day today" / bucket list / last days on Earth sentimental nonsense, it's just rad to do the things that feel good for no other reason than feeling good.  Example: I've been waking up on time and keeping my routine for getting ready for work as if I were heading into the office (because I have to), BUT then I wear my fucking battle dome clothes and high heels around my house instead because I DON'T have to go to the office.  I wear my black lipstick because I fucking love it and it looks cool.  I use my expensive perfume because I like to smell it.  It doesn't matter that I'm not going anywhere (aside from maybe the store or to scream at pedestrians from my car), I just want to enjoy doing the shit I want to do, especially the things I don't or can't do at work.  If you're not a compartmentalized complicated weirdo like me, do your own version.  Bust out the snuggie and get weird.  It'll make the day feel so much more pleasant and so much less like a god damned prison sentence. 

- Music: all of it.  Constantly.  Try listening to stuff you've never listened to before.  Expand your horizons.  My newest favorite is upbeat jazz because I can dance to it all fucking day and not have one existential meltdown while it's going.  MAGICAL.

- Communicate with the people you can't see in person, but really want to: that's pretty self explanatory... But if you have people that mean a lot to you and you don't or won't or can't see them as often / at all, reach out to them as frequently as possible, especially if you don't have anyone else around.  Make sure they're okay, or let them know you need some support. We're social creatures even if we hate all of humanity, so we need to stay connected and feel like we're still a part of a community.  If you have trouble reaching out, see the second bullet point on the list and that should help you break the ice, you fucking pleb.    

- *Ask for help if you need it: as an addendum to the previous bullet of communication, I totally understand that not everyone is faced with the opportunity to work from home and that sometimes assistance is necessary.  I'm pretty fucking lucky and I remind myself of that fact daily. #Perspective  If in the coming days you find yourself without a job, going without pay, needing assistance in some way, use every tool at your disposal to reach out to your people and your community virtually for assistance.  Also bear in mind that this is a temporary crisis and then follow all of the above steps to help keep calm until you're settled.  People have an amazing ability to solve community problems quickly when everyone is threatened, and if I can help in any way, I'm fucking ON IT.  Let me know and if I can't help, I'll help to find someone who can.

That's it.  Those are the keys to mental wellness in the face of catastrophe.... Or how I've approached it like a paranoid, cabin fever suffering, goth cowboy space monkey.  I'm ready for this to be over, but I'm trying every single day to make the best of it while it continues.  I hope you can, too.  Reach out to me if you want more weird advice or if you need some virtual community.  Otherwise, stay golden, pony boys. 😘